all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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