I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
