guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
