DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
