Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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