Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
