It's Friday. Sex?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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