We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
