I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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