We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
