Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
