I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
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its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize