were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
