Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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