is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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