Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
