he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
