After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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