Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
