I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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