I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
