I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
