he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
