I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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