hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
