Porn is love you can see.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize