i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Say something about gay babies.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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