I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
