I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So many bounce houses so little time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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