we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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