I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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