Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
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