weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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