i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this is an emotional support booty call
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
