hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
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Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
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Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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