oh god the rape fog is back!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
