i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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