How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
