She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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