Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize