She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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