I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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