I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
