Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
