mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
