Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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