If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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