I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
