I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
