Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
