I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
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Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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