first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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