I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize