Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
