need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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