So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
