hell yes lets make some ravioli
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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