Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
