i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
