Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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