I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
