I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize