Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
