Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
