I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
