just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
