help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
